well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
