She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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