it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
