I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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