I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your cock deserves a montage
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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