I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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