All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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