halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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