I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
