I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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