We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
