I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Operation Purity has been aborted
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
