shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
