Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
