never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
