So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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