I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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