Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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