But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You are a genius and a whore.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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