I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize