is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
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I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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