she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
