He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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