I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
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I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.