i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.