he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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