it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.