yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?