# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single