so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i would punch a child for taco bell
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
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Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.