dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
