I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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