I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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