The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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