Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
