i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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