Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
