I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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