I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's official drugs can't kill me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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