guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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