I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
