I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
