If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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