plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He shit in the fireplace
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
