the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize