I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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