i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
