I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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