Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
