Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize