hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
