So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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