The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
