Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Couch. On fire.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
