I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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