He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
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My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize