I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
