just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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