nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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