Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
