At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
