checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
