I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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