Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
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i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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