I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
