you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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