Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
