3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
