I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
