I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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