just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
