If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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