If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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