I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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