I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
