FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
