the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
