Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just found a bag of teeth...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
